U.S. Marines banned from farting in Afghanistan

This news is from last August, but I only discovered it today. The U.S. Marine Corps is so afraid of offending Muslims’ delicate sensibilities that our brave Marines serving in Afghanistan are banned from passing gas, otherwise called farting.

Gina Cavallaro writes for the Marine Corps Times blog “Battle Rattle,” August 23, 2011:

Marine Corps Times is a family newspaper and we only rarely have offensive language in our stories. [...]

So here’s the news:  audible farting has been banned for some Marines downrange because it offends the Afghans.

I know there are many things in the Afghan culture that don’t seem normal to Americans and it’s hard to spend seven months working in someone else’s back yard.  Still, the Marines I saw downrange are doing a pretty good job at trying to do the right thing around the Afghans.

They’re not supposed to cuss because it could be misunderstood (that one goes out the window a lot). And they stay away from talking about politics, religion or girls because those topics could escalate into major disagreements (they can’t communicate anyway because of the language barrier).

But farting?  That’s practically a sport.  Ok, it’s not soccer, but a good contest could open the door for cross-cultural exchanges, jokes and other gallows humor.

So, for all Marines getting ready to go downwind, I mean downrange, be forewarned — you may have to hold it in… at least until you get back to your hooch where you can loudly crop dust your friends.

The comments on this news are really funny. Here’s a sample:

Gary Conlon Says: August 23rd, 2011 at 6:00 pm

“We are protecting them assholes. Boy’s, let-um rip!!”

Thomas M Says: August 23rd, 2011 at 11:58 pm

“Are you kidding me. With the shit we had to eat i was farting none stop. I mean really all the MREs and UGRs all you do is fart.”

Michael Says: August 24th, 2011 at 12:25 am

“I have to ask….what discipinary action does UAF (Un-Approved Farting) carry these days???”

SNM Says: August 24th, 2011 at 12:50 am

“If we can’t fart around the Afghans then they should stop wiping their fecal matter all over the port-o-potty’s. Fair trade.”

None Ya Says: August 24th, 2011 at 7:59 am

“So, let me get this right. For a culture who looks at female life as less than that of a farm animal, who educates almost no one, who wipes their ass with their hand, and will have sex with farm animals; farting is offensive? Here’s the problem with our leadership, we have no leadership with any balls.”

Of course, this is the same U.S. Marine Corps eunuch administration who just gave Sgt. Gary Stein an other-than-honorable discharge for being critical of Obama on Stein’s personal Facebook page.

~Eowyn

19 responses to “U.S. Marines banned from farting in Afghanistan

  1. The Afghans & all the other Muslims (prim & proper as they all are—-) will constantly find something to be offended about. They know that our leaders will jump through hoops in order to appease them. I personally think it has become a game with them to have an “offense of the week”-then sit back & get a good laugh out of watching all the scrambling around to satisfy them. I can’t believe we would have the life of even one American serviceman or woman at risk for these disgusting barbarians.

  2. To quote a latin phase …. “Merda tuarorum animas conturbit” (Bullshit baffles brains)
    Be strong Marines!! Semper Fi

  3. Filthy Muslims and many other foreigners frequently stink like hell due to poor hygiene and lack of deodorant. Who are THEY to complain of people stinking?!

    And I have PLENTY of Muslim issues that offend me: slamming planes containing innocent people into buildings of innocent people, killing rape VICTIMS including little girls but NOT killing the RAPIST, and subjecting women and little girls to the excruciating procedure of female genital mutilation so they can’t enjoy sex even within marriage.

    • Molesting little boys and possibly goats is “part of their culture” locally, but our farting would offend them… the mind boggles.

  4. Julia, You might add to your list, having sex with their dead wives!

  5. I saw a picture the other day with ‘em pointing their fannies at the
    Temple Mount….

  6. Sh”””””””’ that’s something no one can control . I hope our president is happy with himself for allowing our people to be treated this way. I hate him, AND I hate the generals putting up with this. stupid stupid stupid

  7. Hummm–, too bad each and every one of the troops can’t plan to, all together, in one consecrated effort, just “let ‘er rip” & let that tooty toot toot be heard LOUD & CLEAR throughout Afganistan & the entire Middle East ! They can’t court martial the entire group, now could they?

  8. lowtechgrannie

    I’m think of a new ringtone that might be fun!

  9. This reminds me of a joke I once heard. A marine was invited to the home of a muslim family for dinner. After the dinner, the marine let out a loud fart. His host said, “You farted before my son !.” The marine said, ” Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was his turn!”

  10. I LOVE that one, Horace–LOL!

  11. Ultimate solution: muslims could stop inhaling!

  12. I say we take up a collection and send our soldiers a few cases of baked beans.

    I mean, it’s the least we could do.

    -Dave

  13. Not only will I fart toward Mecca 5 times a day, I’ll LIGHT the 5th one!!

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