A Little Southern Humor

Alabama
A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
“Where’s Henry?” the others asked.
“Henry had a stroke of some kind. He’s a couple of miles back up the trail,” the successful hunter replied.
“You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?” they inquired.
“A tough call,” nodded the hunter. “But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!”
Georgia
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, “You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000 minus 14%, how much would you take off?”
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everything but my earrings.”
Louisiana
A senior at Louisiana was overheard saying, “When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ..” When asked why, he replied, “I’d rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.”
Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, “Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!”
Bubba replied, “Did you see who it was?”
The young man answered, “I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number.”
North Carolina
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, “I have a flat tire.”
The passerby asked, “But what’s with the flowers?”
The man responded, “When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither.”
Tennessee
A Tennessee State Trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, “Got any ID?”
The driver replied, “Bout whut?”
Texas
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch.
The Sheriff asked, “Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign right over your head?”
“Yep”, he replied. “That’s why I dumpin’ it here, cause it says: ‘Fine For Dumping Garbage’.
You can say what you want about the South,
But you never hear of anyone retiring and moving North

~Steve~                               H/T  Miss Miranda

16 responses to “A Little Southern Humor

  1. ROFL!!! I especially love the Mississippi one!

    Thanks, Steve & Miss Miranda! :D

  2. The North Carolina one is about the truth!! Some of these mountain folks speak an unknown language. My husband sometimes has a terrible time understanding what they are talking about when they are in an exam room. Our only grandchild is even picking up some of it from pre-school in a very remote mountain church school, and my daughter is having a fit. He asked me Saturday to turn on “Beun, Teun” on cartoons, and I could not find it any where. Turns out the show was “Ben Ten”. Something must be done here–LOL!

    • My family is comprised of many intelligent engineers from Georgia Tech with IQs in the 150s and 160s, and we all would say “Beun Teun.” We actually poke fun at my little brother who is 8 for talking like a Yankee which he must’ve picked up on from watching tv, and also I think he wants to seem important and proper. I am 28, and the oldest of eight kids, and my little brother is the youngest and is 20 years younger than me. Once when he was a toddler he said, “We went into the forest.” My brother who is in his 20s responded, “You mean y’all went in the woods?!”

      • Julia-
        LOL!!!! :D

        I’m from Texas and my hubby & I have a couple of the WORST accents imaginable. I am made fun of all the time for my “twang”! (Fixin’ is my favorite word!)

        My 4 yr. old little boy has said “YOU GUYS” instead of “Y’ALL” from day one! (Don’t know where the heck he cam up with “you guys”, but it drives me completely up the wall! Know for a fact it was not learned from politically correct cartoons….we didn’t have cable until last year, so my kiddos hardly ever watch tv.)

        Plus, to add insult to injury, in the Texas Panhandle we use the word “coke” to describe all types of carbonated soft drinks. For example, “Honey, could you stop and get me a COKE? I want a Dr.Pepper.” My 3 yr. old little girl uses the word “SODA”! S-O-D-A…I am dead serious! She will ask, “May I have a drink of your soda, peezz?”, and every once in awhile she will add, “Yummy, it’s TASTY!”. TASTY? Really child? :D

        I will never forget the first time she used both words. We were at a family thing with like 40 ppl, and I remember her words stopped all of them dead in their tracks. My soft-spoken grandma asked me, “Sweet Baby Girl, what in heavens have you been teaching your adorable child?” (lol!)

      • Julia-
        Meant to to say “Fixin’ to” is my favorite word! :)

        BTW…My fam is made up of a couple of surgeons, a preacher with a doctorate, 2 or 3 Master’s Degrees, Bachelor’s Degrees, a few nonprofit lawyers and of course many Stay-at-Home Mommies…..I completely understand where you are coming from…just like y’all, we will always be just a normal, mediocre group that is proud of their southern roots! (Redneck genes…so to speak! ;) )

  3. 1wanderingtruthseeker

    You have to admit, us southern folks are funny.

  4. Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk…I’m sending that first one to my hunting buddy! Thanks for the laughs (and for going easy on Missouri!)

  5. Love them, thanks Steve and Miss M…

  6. :D

    Georgia’s my favorite!!

  7. Regional dialects are tricky. Years ago I worked in a retail shop in eastern Connecticut. A very affluent looking older lady came in and asked for an item that was out of stock. Our policy was to write a note to call a customer when the item was available so I took out a message pad and asked for her phone number and name.

    I wrote down “MRS CLOCK” very carefully and was surprised when she was upset. New Englanders commonly drop the letter R. Her actual name was MRS CLARK.

  8. In Alabama a man’s daughter said, “Daddy, I’ve found the man I want to marry!” Her father said, “Well that’s nice, what’s his name?” She said, “Clarence.” He said, “Well that’s a nice name for an Alabama man!” She said, “Oh no Daddy, this man’s from Georgia.” The man later gathered his sons and told them, “Now listen, y’all’s sister is dating this man, and he’s from Georgia! I want y’all to go kill him!” The sons go out and they return and say, “Daddy, we can’t kill this man, he’s real big and real famous. Every bridge we come to says, ‘Clarence, thirteen feet, seven inches’!”

  9. That’s because Florida has a bunch of Yankees who moved there. I don’t think of Florida as being southern except geographically.

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