The Atheist, the Bear, and God

The atheist was walking through the woods and marveled to himself:

“What majestic trees!”

“What powerful rivers!”

“What beautiful animals!”

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look.

A seven-foot tall grizzly bear charged towards him…

The atheist ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out, “OH MY GOD HELP ME !”

Time stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the clear blue sky.
“You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don’t exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?”

The atheist looked directly into the light, “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?”

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke:

“Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty, through Christ our Lord. Amen.”   

H/t beloved fellow FS!

~Eowyn

13 responses to “The Atheist, the Bear, and God

  1. Wow Steve that took “survival of the fittest” to a whole new extreme.

  2. 4hrs sleep? Steve what did I tell you about playing World of Warcraft, that game will be the end of you! ;-)

  3. Love it!

  4. “Taste like chicken,” the bear would later say of atheists.

  5. LOL!! The comments are funny, too!

  6. This is a true story;
    August, 1989, Prince of Wales Is. S.E. Alaska.
    Having just completed a salvage job on the salmon packer “Macaca” in Craig, Alaska, we arrived at an area renound for trout fishing.
    My Boss, Del Hanson, and his friend Monty and I anchored the tug and set out in a skiff to go ashore and fish the trout “Krik”, as the locals call them. The beach was full of bear signs, like holes dug to get at tubers, etc, but my Alaskan hosts assured me we would have no trouble. Monty had a .38 on his side. We caught plenty of trout in about a half hr, and headed back towards the beach, when Monty told me in a loud voice “TALK REAL LOUD!” I SAID O.K., BUT WHY? He said “BECAUSE A BEAR IS FOLLOWING US,JUST KEEP CALM!!
    I asked him where the bear was, he said turn around and look between the two tree trunks. There, I saw the bear’s head, I swear it was 2 feet between his ears, a coastal grizzly.
    To this day, I firmly believe the bear did not attack because we Buddhists smell like tofu.

  7. And while you are contacting your your congressman and senators investigate BO for the Birth Document Forgeries, TSA Sexual Assaults & Illegal Searches, Election Fraud, Voter Fraud, Identity Theft, Illegal Foreign Campaign Contributions, Aiding and Abetting of Muslim Terrorists, Poisoning of the Gulf of Mexico, Theft of Private Property, Embezzlement of Government funds, WikiLeaks etc.

    http://thesteadydrip.blogspot.com/2009/06/how-to-start-and-lead-citizens-grand.html

  8. ROFL!

    That is too funny.

    Would love to see the look on that atheist’s face.

    -Dave

  9. This has got to be the best Atheist funny I have read yet! Thanks for sharing it!

  10. That was realy funny, funny ilttle fairy tale. It’s nice to see how the theist’s mind works. And they think Atheist’s are the evil ones lol.

    • Hey, Richard, aka Atheistman of Mooers, NY:

      It’s nice to see how your godless mind works, thinking the theists to be the evil ones. Such unbelief sure takes determination. No wonder they say that Atheism is just another religion. LOL

  11. I like to define ‘atheist’ as “someone who demands that God stay out of his life, then rages at God for not preventing bad things from happening”.

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