Consider the gentleness of Jesus

Are you insignificant, weak, easily crushed? Could a puff of wind put your lights out, bring you to an end? Jesus will pick you up and hold you safely in the palm of His hand.

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“Here is my servant, whom I uphold,
my chosen one in whom I delight;
I will put my Spirit on him,
and he will bring justice to the nations.

He will not shout or cry out,
or raise his voice in the streets.

A bruised reed he will not break,
and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.

In faithfulness he will bring forth justice;
he will not falter or be discouraged
till he establishes justice on earth.
In his teaching the islands will put their hope.”

– Isaiah 42:1-4

Is your light about to be put out? Turn to Jesus.

Is your light about to be snuffed out? Turn to Jesus.

Canada to the rescue

CANADIAN HUMOR

ca-lgflag

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East

Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured

  • Iraq and Iran are totally ruined, and the governments don’t know where to start providing help. The world is in shock.
  • The USA is sending troops to help.
  • Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
  • Latin American countries are sending supplies.
  • New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops.
    China is sending Labor to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure.
  • Britain is sending medical teams and supplies.
  • Canada, not to be outdone, is sending
    two-million replacement Muslims.

God Bless CANADA !!!
Damn those CANADIANS are smart !!!

H/t a Canadian friend

Words to live by

words of wisdom

H/t FOTM’s Trail Dust!

~Éowyn

Tweeter wants you to make this disgusting “lincoln” pic go viral

A nobody named Joe Bernstein (@basher) is on Twitter. Joe Bernstein On March 24, 2015, Bernstein flatulated this tweet to his 2,694 followers, of a fat naked man engaged in an obscene act with the head of a statue, with the message:

please, for the love of god, help me make #lincolning go viral

Bernstein tweet By #lincolning, Joe Bernstein is referring to the obscene act that the chubby naked guy was doing to what Bernstein thinks is the statue of President Abraham Lincoln in the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C.

In other words, Bernstein is applauding and encouraging the desecration of President Lincoln.

Sadly, Bernstein is mistaken. The statue isn’t that of Abraham Lincoln.

It’s the statue of Alexander Graham Bell in the front portico of the Bell Telephone Building of Brantford, Ontario, Canada. Lincoln Memorial & Alexander Graham Bell Alexander Graham Bell (1847-1922) is the Scottish-born scientist, inventor, engineer and innovator who is credited with inventing the first practical telephone.

And so, both the tubby man and Joe Bernstein (assuming Bernstein isn’t the fat naked guy himself) are actually dissing the statue of the inventor of the telephone. facepalm

Bernstein calls himself a “reporter for BuzzFeed.”

facepalm ~Éowyn

The brilliance that is Lena Dunham: “Dog or Jewish Boyfriend? A Quiz”

Lena Dunham's double date with Obama

New Yorker: Do the following statements refer to (a) my dog or (b) my Jewish boyfriend?

1. The first thing I noticed about him was his eyes.

2. We love to spend hours in bed together on Sunday mornings.

3. He’s crazy for cream cheese.

4. It hasn’t always been easy, but we currently live together and it’s going O.K.

5. Our anniversary is in two days and I’m not sure if he remembers.

6. If it were up to him, every room in our place would be carpeted.

7. But he has asthma.

8. I feel that he is judgmental about the food I serve him. When I make something from scratch, he doesn’t want to eat it, but he also rejects most store-bought dinners.

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9. This is because he comes from a culture in which mothers focus every ounce of their attention on their offspring and don’t acknowledge their own need for independence as women. They are sucked dry by their children, who ultimately leave them as soon as they find suitable mates.

10. As a result of this dynamic, he expects to be waited on hand and foot by the women in his life, and anything less than that makes him whiny and distant.

11. I wish he were more excited about spending time with my friends.

12. At our local organic bistro, he will often leave three-quarters of his salmon fillet untouched, offering no explanation and offending the waiter, who will ask balefully, “Was it undercooked?”

13. He doesn’t tip.

14. And he never brings his wallet anywhere.

15. He came with me to therapy once and was restless and unexpressive.

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16. When I go out of town on a business trip, he sleeps with a pair of my underwear.

17. When I get home from the business trip, he ignores me for hours, sometimes days, forcing me to wonder whether he would be better off with a woman who has a less demanding career. “Why don’t you find some catalogue model who just sits around all day and rubs your back? I bet you’d like that,” I hiss. “I apologize for my many accomplishments. I’m sorry they mean nothing to you.”

18. He respects my father but is intimidated by his Waspy, buttoned-up demeanor, flat cadence, and inability to express physical affection toward other men. The tension between them takes the form of passive-aggressive pissing matches and hostile silences.

19. He’s really more of an ass man.

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20. He has a sensitive stomach and has to take two Dramamine before entering any moving vehicle.

21. I have more Instagram followers than he does.

22. He ripped up my copy of “Lean In.”

23. My grandma Dottie loves him and says he’s a “good, good boy.”

24. Every week it’s some new health issue: urine crystals, sprained foot, beef allergy.

25. He enjoys nature and I don’t, which would be fine except it’s important to share interests, and he also doesn’t like novellas, tag sales, or hip-hop dance.

26. He hates our upstairs neighbor Beverly and refuses to acknowledge her in the elevator, even if she tells him that she likes his haircut.

27. In fact, he has hair all over his body, like most males who share his background.

28. His best friend is named Archie.

29. He briefly dated another Lena, but she was black and a runner.

30. Bald men trigger a primal fear in him.

31. In addition, he is openly hostile toward the Hasidic community, focussing most of his rage on their bulky (but chic) fur hats.

32. He has an obsession with bellhops that is troubling to me.

dunham233. One spring afternoon, we walked to Dumbo to check out a new artisanal-Popsicle stand, when we ran into my friend Jill. Jill is actually more of an acquaintance—I don’t know her well, but I really like her; she curates high-end terrariums and she’s a clog designer on the side. She’s really slim and well dressed, in an all-American, J. Crew-model sort of way. He was immediately all over her, panting and making a fool of himself. It was humiliating. Because here’s the thing: I am not a Jill. I will never be a Jill. And if that’s what he is looking for—some anorexic hipster with a glossy braid and freaking Swedish clog boots she sewed by hand—he should never have set his sights on me in the first place.

34. He once vomited on his seatmate in United business class, then ran up and down the aisle in a panic.

35. He’s adopted.

Isn't she so witty?

Isn’t she so witty?

See also:

DCG

Puns for Educated Minds

pun

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says ‘Dam!’

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again, that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. Then there was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. Ha Ha Ha Ha!

H/t FOTM’s MomOfIV

~Éowyn

Hey guys! Your handy guide to dating a feminist!

feminist

Cosmopolitan: 14 Things You Should Know Before Dating a Feminist. She’s basically the most amazing person on the planet.

1. You’d better be prepared to look at the world/movies/TV shows/everything more closely than you used to. There might be a movie that you really love that you never noticed was super-crazy sexist, and you need to at least be open to hearing her explain why it is and looking at it from another perspective. I dated a guy who hated when I would do this and you will never guess how quickly I dumped him because haha no.

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2. If you don’t identify as a feminist already, you should figure out why that is before going for her. Do you think she should make less than you make for doing the exact same job? No? Then you’re a feminist. This is not difficult, Jeremy.

3. You’re not necessarily going to offend her because she’s a feminist and you paid for her tea. I had a guy buy me an iced tea once and he acted like he wasn’t sure whether to pat himself on the back for being such a good guy or apologize for acting like he owned me. My tea was $1.50, dude. Calm down. If you’re doing a nice thing because you want to do a nice thing, I will love that. Who wouldn’t?

4. Please at least know some basic women’s history. See: Leslie Knope being pissed Officer Dave didn’t know who Madeline Albright was or me being pissed that a guy doesn’t know what riot grrrl music is.

5. “So do you hate men?” is a “joke” she has heard about 5,000 times. And if you make it, I will think you are both uncreative and kind of a dick. Like, are you serious? It’s not 1962 (and let’s be honest, no one thought it was funny then either.)

6. She thinks she’s just as entitled to an orgasm as you are, which will make sex really fun if you’re good in bed or very confusing if you’re not. One time I literally sat on a hookup’s bed after they’d had an orgasm and said, “I didn’t come. I’m not leaving this room until I do,” and I waited. Ohhhh, I waited.

7. It’s fine if you hold the door for her. Just don’t act totally shocked when she’s equally as polite and holds it for you.

8. She will debate anyone she meets who says they aren’t a feminist or expresses anti-feminist sentiments. It might be your dumb-dumb friends, it might be a random guy who said something shitty at a bar we’re at, but it could happen. I never pick fights with anyone, but I’m also not afraid to calmly call someone out for saying something bigoted and frankly, you shouldn’t be either.

9. You’d better be aware of what male privilege is and that you have it. One time my guy friend said to me, “Oh man, male privilege sounds nice. Wish I had some of that. Haha,” and I almost threw him across the room. It’s real. If you’re a guy, you have it. Next topic.

feminist

10. Any lingering anti-feminist beliefs you may still have can and will be challenged. And rightfully so. Ideally, you’d just take an interest in feminism on your own because everyone should, but if you’re going to be dating me, I’m definitely going to call you on the bullshit you may knowingly or unknowingly still say from time to time. Thank her for this. She’s going to save you from making a horrible rape joke in public (aka making any rape joke in public.)

11. She’s happy to teach you about feminism if you’re happy to learn. If you think Beyoncé can’t dance in a revealing outfit and call herself a feminist, you are wrong, but I’m happy to explain to you why that is if you actually want to know. Why? Because I like you.

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12. Never, ever, ever tell her about how men are discriminated against too. This isn’t a competition for which gender had been treated more unfairly, but if it were, women will win every time.

13. If you seriously believe we’re all equal and feminism is unnecessary, keep walking. Also, what are you even doing with your life? Clearly it is not “reading literally any news website.”

14. She really, truly believes in equality for all. Feminists are the most amazing people on the planet because we believe in equality for all genders, races, sexual orientations, you name it. Seriously, would you want to date someone who believed anything less? No? Then it’s good that you picked me.

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Go forth and date!

DCG